In sum, let’s not. I think it’s time for Valentine’s Day to go the way of the Walkman. Perhaps it had a function at one time, but now it’s outdated, has too many moving parts, and in general just sounds like a pain in the ass. At this point, I think if society has to rely on a holiday to remind it of romance, love, and overt gestures of admiration, we are — ironically — fucked. So Valentine’s Day, go love yourself. We’re not in the mood anymore.