This year has been absolutely crammed with bad news, to the point where contemplating further depths of bile and despair is enough to make you lie face down on the floor. Unfortunately, like a horrible magician pulling reams of used toilet paper from their sleeve, 2020 just won’t stop.
As Late Show host Stephen Colbert noted on Monday, U.S. coronavirus infections are continuing to climb, with over 3.6 million confirmed cases and nearly 140,000 deaths. Meanwhile, White House chief of staff Mark Meadows is reportedly advocating for people to just stop talking about, and drawing attention to, the deadly pandemic.
“Oh yeah, because whenever there’s an historic crisis, the less said the better,” said Colbert. “Like Uncle Sam said in those wartime recruitment posters: ‘I want you… to fuggedaboutit.'”
Fortunately, it seems the White House isn’t going with that idea, and will instead bring back coronavirus briefings. Unfortunately, President Donald Trump is still the one behind said briefings, so they’ll be about as useful as a glass door on a public toilet.
“That’s too bad,” quipped Colbert. “I was hoping he was just going to disappear with the warmer weather.”
Exactly what use these briefings will be is anyone’s guess, as Trump’s aides have said he doesn’t even go to coronavirus task force meetings. “‘Look, I’m way too busy to care about human life,'” said Colbert in his Trump drawl.
What Trump does care about is television ratings, emphasising on Monday morning the “record numbers” his previous coronavirus briefings attracted. It turns out the prospect of vital information about the deadly pandemic impacting every aspect of our lives causes a lot of people to tune in. Of course, that’s attention Trump simply must have on himself.
“‘We had a great slot,'” said Colbert, imitating Trump again. “‘Right before Jeopardy, which is what I’m putting everyone’s lives in.'”