Stephen Colbert updates ‘West Side Story’ with bleak new lyrics for the coronavirus pandemic

“Okay, we don’t have a public health system, but we do have systemic racism and truck nuts,” quipped Late Show host Stephen Colbert on Monday. 

The U.S. now has about 5 million confirmed COVID-19 cases, with actual infection numbers estimated to be up to 10 times as much. Yet the Trump administration continues to mismanage the deadly pandemic, and thousands still refuse to wear face masks or obey social distancing guidelines.

America is burning itself to the ground with alarming speed, while the rest of the world watches on in horror and confusion. 

“With international attitudes toward America changing, we might have to update that classic song from West Side Story,” said Colbert, introducing a dubbed clip of the musical’s song “America:”

“Case numbers rise in America / Trump tells them lies in America / Travel’s unwise to America / Netflix and cry in America.”

5 million confirmed coronavirus cases and 160,000 deaths apparently weren’t enough to stop the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota either. Approximately 250,000 people gathered for the rally, and if you thought these bikers were social distancing then congratulations on your optimism. Everyone else’s was extinguished several months ago.

“What do you expect? After all, the show isn’t called Sons of Responsibility,” quipped Colbert. “Some were seen wearing shirts that read, ‘Screw COVID, I went to Sturgis.’ A little cavalier, but still better than their original design: ‘Screw old people, I like my giant motor-penis.'”

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