Halloween is hands-down one of the best holidays, especially for kids.
The holiday is centered around dressing up, using your imagination and being a little weird. On top of that, there’s the best part: unlimited candy.
But if you’re planning on passing out candy to hardworking trick-or-treaters this year, please avoid the following at all costs. Your young neighbors will be extremely grateful.
1. Necco Wafers
Necco Wafers have been around since 1847, which was probably an excellent candy in the year 1847. They taste like chalk, and anyone who defends these candies is either 150 years old or enjoys licking chalkboards.
Similar to Necco Wafers, Smarties have a distinct chalky texture that should never, ever go inside your mouth unless you’re eating Tums.
3. Candy Buttons
Unsurprisingly, these pieces of sugar attached to paper are actually made by Necco Wafers. While the candy is passable, it’s basically glued to a piece of paper, which is impossible to completely detach.
4. Candy corn
Do we really need to explain?
5. Mellowcreme Pumpkins
6. Dum dums
Bank candy has no place during Halloween.
7. Tootsie Roll
Tootsie roll launched in 1896, when chocolate tasted like literal shit.
8. Hot Tamales
They’re like little evil Mike and Ikes, and they do not deserve the title of candy.
9. Banana Laffy Taffy
There’s just something awful about imitation banana.
It doesn’t matter that Twizzlers are strawberry flavored, they’re still licorice and licorice is not candy.
11. Good & Plenty
They may look like drugs but they taste like licorice, and licorice is not candy.
11. Mary Jane
No thanks, Grandma. I’m not losing a tooth today.
13. Milk Duds
Milk Duds are the perfect candy if you want to pull caramel out of your teeth for 20 minutes, you sadist.
14. Candy Necklace
Candy necklaces only look edible before you start eating them, but as soon as you take one bite, you’re wearing a mess of your own saliva. And that first bite wasn’t too good, either.
Raisins aren’t good, and covering them in chocolate doesn’t change a damn thing.
The only reason anyone would give out Werther’s on Halloween is because they’re 90-years-old and they completely forgot to buy candy so they’re just giving crap away from their private stash.
Coconut has no place in candy.
18. Almond Joy
Neither do almonds.
Perfect for breaking a tooth while enjoying the lovely taste of chemical lemon.
It’s not the 1950s anymore, can we please give up malted things that aren’t alcohol?